A Note To Parents: Do Not Fear

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us. - 1 John 4:18-19 (ESV)

I get small glimpses of what it must be like to be a parent of a middle schooler. What a strange age, where there is a part that is still such a child and another part tugging away, resisting mom and dad's authority and often times seeing with blinders on their eyes. But with this, I also see a side of the students which mom and dad often don't see. Both good and bad, but moreso good.

I want to write this to encourage parents: do not fear. I can't imagine how many times my parents must have been worried that their little boy was suddenly becoming this rebellious, out of control, adolescent. (And at times I was.) And yet, there is another side I see revealed. I have witnessed students who go from being uber disrespectful towards mom and dad to standing beside me, inviting themselves to our new third worship time and singing. Now, this surprises me: most middle school guys don't sing, or if they do its in a funny voice to get attention. And here I stood - next to a seventh grade student who really has a great voice, listening to his singing in worship to His God and Savior. And I knew - why do I fear? My job isn't to worry about every little choice a student makes. Because in the end I can't control it. My job is to love. To speak the truth, to point them to Christ, to give insight on choices they do make. But not to fear, because in fearing I have begun to stop trusting in God. That he is in control, that he has a plan for this student's life.

I hope you would know that the perfect love of Christ gives us no reason to fear. That because our Holy God sent Christ, His son, to be our perfect atoning sacrifice - there is no reason to fear. While we ourselves, while a student, may get off track for a time, God never lets go of them. God who interceded, sent His son to be "Immanuel" - God with us - is certainly present today, working in us and through us. I want you to be encouraged that whatever is going on, things that frighten, either from your child, from the world, that there is no reason to fear. God has called us out, to something greater than us.

And so my role is one of love, that even in the times the students turn to disrespect me, when I feel I have had enough, I think of that perfect love. I think of Christ on the cross. The One who knew know sin took it upon himself, and in those moments I push through, by God's grace, turning to the students in love. Parents - you are doing something right, be encouraged, know that middle school is a crazy time, but let us together set aside fear and love - because we first have been loved.

- Brummy

Heroes

My life is not ordinary. No, not because I sometimes mask myself in bright orange skihats and call myself "The Viking" cleverly screaming about how I am going to defend North Canton of all evil (especially rival villains from Jackson and Lake.) Yes, most of my interactions are with those in 6th, 7th, and 8th grade, but my days are not spent inside a school building.

And this particular Wednesday evening was filled with masked, caped, hooded, tight-wearing superheros. Of the middle school variety. A few dozen middle school students stepping up to the challenge of coming up with their best copy-cat or unique superhero character. And I was reminded why I love my life.

Most weeks go like this (minus the superhero-ness.) I am blessed to speak into the lives of numerous middle school students. I serve as the Director of Middle School at The Chapel in North Canton. Regardless of where you stand on religion, I am blessed to be able to come alongside parents in the stark county area and assist them in bringing up their children. Yes, I have a passion for Jesus, and because of that a passion to love these families and students.

Our superhero night was a time to be goofy, and it was. We threw marshmallows into plungers (an awesome game I thought up a few minutes before the event started. It could have totally failed, but was actually a hit.) We enjoyed random dance parties to this new trending "Interlude" dance (a hit coming from colleges which has now been tradition as part of our middle school gatherings each Sunday and mid-week.) And I was also blessed to just take time to be with these students.

Towards the end we talked about heroes. We all have them. I was humbled to hear some of them share the names of various leaders in our community they look up to, and was humbled to hear some say my name. And I realized what responsibility that is. In the midst of this goofy time of wearing tights (which I too wore, underneath my athletic shorts) dancing to crazy techno songs, and eating ice cream covered in way too many toppings, I have the unique opportunity to be a part of these students lives at this critical time.

Too often middle schoolers are overlooked as kids, which a part of them still are, but many are faced with huge villains in their lives. Villains such as the death of their pet, bullies at school, their parents divorce, trying to live up to the social images the world portrays (which leads to eating disorders, bodily self-harm, depression, etc.) And I realize that they need more heroes in their lives. They need other adults who will truly understand them for where they are, that they are facing very really, very big, and very scary villains. And I personally believe they need to meet the greatest hero of all time, who made the ultimate sacrifice for us all, out of love. Jesus. Who loves them amidst their villains, their struggles, and their goofy, cape wearing, voice cracking, awkward dancing, middle school natures.

So each week I enjoy times of goofyness. Times of epic nerf wars, and pottery painting sessions. And am reminded of how much these students are facing, and how deeply they need to know they are loved for who they are and where they are at right now.

Thank You - A Blog to Parents

For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory. - 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12

Parents, I just wanted to write this post today to thank you. To thank you for allowing me to come alongside you. While much of my job is to build into youth, I am so grateful that you trust me and allow me to come alongside you. I want to write to encourage you all today to continue in what you are doing. Because you are doing something right. It is an honor and a privilege to come alongside you, to be able to assist in any way possible. I cannot possibly imagine what it is to be a father, to have a child of my own. And yet I am blessed to have a small role in watching your interactions, to learn from you, to be encouraged by you. I don't write to tell you what you are doing wrong, there may be other posts (and I know I will need posts reminding me what I am doing wrong.) But I wanted to write to encourage, to remind you that I am not here to replace you.


I hear the phrase, do your job so that you won't have one. While I would miss my role, I would love it if there honestly was no need for me, if students desired to spend their time with their parents, with their families. And they do. They cherish the moments they spend with you as a Father, with you as a Mother, more than the time they spend with me. That I can fade into the background so they can take that time with their family is a joy. That I can be an extra voice repeating the same advice you give is a joy, that in the end it is your guidance they follow, while perhaps not from your mouth. If that is how I assist, than thank you. It truly is a joy to be able to serve you. I have grown to love your children, and to love you as parents. I encourage you to continue to look to Christ, that we continue to look to Christ, in all we do.


Thank you again for the great privilege of allowing me to be a second voice in your child's life. I pray that you would let me know any way I can be of assistance to you now or in the future.


In Christ,


- Brummy

A Lesson from Middle School Jesus - For Parents

   I was reading this story in Luke of Jesus when he was a boy (twelve years old) so middle school Jesus. What a great age. And what a great story. Its in Luke 2:41-52, and Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem at the temple, his parents assuming he was with them in the caravan (I believe, but check for yourself, it was common for them to travel together and thus almost communally care for each others children, which is why they could go a whole day's journey without noticing middle school Jesus wasn't with them.)

  I find a few things interesting, first is when they find Jesus he is with the teachers, so of course we see he was in a good place. But second, and this speaks a lot to the middle school age, Jesus was listening to them and asking them questions. One of these I'm not sure middle schoolers today do so well, the second I know they do. But, I believe they desire both. However, too often we seem to want them to listen without leaving room for questions. (After all, who wants to be questioned?)

And yet, this speaks so clearly to what the middle school student needs. They need those to speak into their lives truth, but they also need someone then to listen to their questions. I wonder if we leave room for this? Do you leave room for your son or daughter to ask you questions? We have a rule in our small group, in fact in the entire middle school youth group. There are no dumb questions. We forget that developmentally, our minds can comprehend things and often think in different ways. However, these "silly" or "stupid" questions a middle schooler asks to them are important in their development and understanding who they are.

  I think too often we tend to fear questions, because we fear it means they won't believe what we want them to. And yet, I encourage students to question. We had a time last night where I asked them what challenges they have in either believing in God or following God. And then I stopped to listen, to let them ask questions, and then respond. Some shared that they get God created everything, but how could got not have been created. That is why it was difficult for them to believe and follow. Now perhaps a response would be "You just have to! You don't ask that!" But I stopped, I shared honestly that the question is a challenge. Its difficult to wrap our heads around. (Honestly, can you fully explain and comprehend how God always was, is, and will be? If so, please give me a call.)

  I look and see a desire for students to be heard, to be able to ask questions, and they will respond to those who allow them to by listening. My students listen to my response when I allow them to question, to seek. As parents, I encourage you to have this discussion. But let it be discussion, let your kids do most of the talking. Let them ask the question. And don't be afraid to answer with "I don't know, but let's find out together." That will mean more, and your child will appreciate it. Personally, I know I wanted to be allowed to ask questions to my parents, to discuss them. But I feared their response would be to try and throw a ton of stuff at me or tell me "you just have to believe it, okay!" I wanted an open conversation, where they would listen to my questions, and in turn I could listen to their response, whether with an answer or an "I don't know."

Do you take time for your middle schooler to ask questions? Do you listen to them? They have questions, they have things they are seeking to understand. And we must listen to them, must seek to be honest and real. Its a part of life, and if we just close up or tell them not to ask it, they will ask somewhere else.

  Jesus sought the teachers of the temple, seeking those who would listen and allow him to ask questions. Does your middle schooler know they can ask you questions and you will honestly listen? I am not a parent, but I am challenged by this. Because I do want students to get it, to understand. But I realize I must allow them to ask me these questions, because it is what is on their hearts and minds, and things they are seeking. Better they hear from us than from the world, wouldn't you agree?

  - Brummy

What We Need

Today began with worries of how I would make it in to work. I have been without a car of my own since Thursday. But God provides.

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

- Philippians 4:19 (ESV)

Funny how true this has been. I was blessed to be able to use a car of a church members this weekend, and today I was picked up as I walked down Main Street in North Canton by another church member and dropped at the church. I was then able to find a ride later to a local middle school where I began tutoring. As I walked up, the students were all rushing to reach their buses and I grinned as my heart beat in my chest, a bit nervous. It was, after all, my "first day" at school. After being sent three different places I stumbled upon about 60 students sitting in the theater. I smiled as after being introduced a few kids introduced themselves, most just asking where I went to school, if I was in my teens (ooh yah I still look young even with a beard...er maybe because they know I can't grow one!) My heart instantly went out to all the students, and I knew just from being there a few minutes these next weeks through May would be amazing.

As I walked down through the school with the students, I engaged in light conversation by many, helped a few 5th grade girls know it was ok to stay with the line of students, even though we were walking through the boys locker room. Oh the fears of an adolescent. Once in the room, kids talked loudly as they found chairs and I realized it was myself and another school staff member trying to work and control these students. And I couldn't be happier, and yet more sad. As I looked I called out in my head, guessing what each student's story was. I could tell those who were from broken homes, those who had no friends, those who I knew desperately tried to fit in, those who wanted to be seen as "men" because it was important for them to be tough. I guess its my gift, I can usually tell what someone is going through, at least have a pretty good idea. And it was great as the students slowly opened up. Thats what's great about my job, and working with middle school students. They get around to liking you pretty quick.

And I sat and realized how blessed I am, and just why God has placed me here in North Canton. Its sad to see how many churches are in the area, and yet as I have begun to seek out relationships in the community, I wonder how many are involved outside their walls? (And I do not at all mean this to be a blog against those, I love the local church leaders here. I am blessed to be a part of a great church community.) But I stop and say, look at the need here. Look at these kids who just need someone to love them. Do we even understand the reason many of these students act out is because at home they have no attention? At home they are over-looked. When a teacher has to ask what a mothers last name is now, what does it say about the male figures in their lives? And I wonder and pray, will our generation fall into the same pattern.

And I stop and realize I am so amazingly blessed to be able to spend time with these students. I'm not looking to say anything to them. I want to listen, to know them. They don't need anyone else to tell them what to do. They have enough people telling them to do things, but no one listening to them, helping them sort through, and showing them what to do.

Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

- 1 John 3:18 (ESV)

I wonder where we forget passages like this? Our words have truth when there are actions behind them reflecting and speaking for them. If I'm truly about Christ, I will be there to listen to these students. I will put up with their little antics because, lets face it: they aren't adults yet. But sadly, they are forced to deal with adult situations. I wonder how many of these students have been told "I Love You." by any adult. And yet, I could probably count (with a calculator) how many times they have been told "Don't do that." It's easier to tell them not to do something, than for someone to actually care and listen. And, sometimes, just let them be kids.

I am excited for this year. I am excited for my students I see every Sunday. I am excited for these new students I will be in contact with every week. Because for me, I am not called to sit behind the walls of a church office. I am not called to be a light in a church office. (Well, its not the extent of it) I am called to be in the community. People don't want to hear us talk about God, don't want to just see us walk into a church. They want to see us be active among them, where they are at.

When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.

- Matthew 9:36

I see many sheep who are without a shepherd. I am beginning to see God has placed me here to watch over these students. To be a light for Him here in this community, in these schools. To these families. So that even if they haven't heard someone say "I Love You" they would know, there is one greater than any on this earth who so desperately wants you to know "I LOVE YOU."

A Post for Parents

Let me start by saying I have no idea what it must be like to be a parent. But I know what it is like to be a child, to be man, to be a sinner, in desperate need of the grace of God. I know how much I tend to project my desires of what other people should be onto others. I may be doing that in this post. But I write in hope that this is only my heart, which is being wrenched from within me, crying out as I survey the community of North Canton and surrounding area in which God has placed me. He has placed me in this role, he has placed me here to guide. He must be the one guiding because without Him I am completely blind. Yet I look and see, see how often our personal tendencies project through. Parents, this is heartfelt from one who has experienced this personally as a child. And yet, this is also a message of hope, for a God who has restored the broken and frayed relationship I had.

Is your child loved because they are your child? Or are their certain things you really require of them for you to love them? Do they have to play sports? Perhaps it runs in your family, perhaps you were captain of the swim team, perhaps you are a marathon runner. Have you let these things define you in that it must also define your son or daughter? True, we all desire good things for those we love, but the best is Christ. And what if we must surrender these things to make room for Christ? Will we ourselves do it? Will we allow our children to do this? To make the choice to surrender these things?

Well, that's not how it works. They need this to get into this college...They need to be involved in these social clubs to get a good career. If these are the responses we make, that I make, I need to step back and ask whom I follow. Who my life is about. We must also stop and think about how our words impact those we love. While I trust you will still love your child without them doing these things, I hear stories of students who fear that if they do not do this, their parents will no longer have a reason to love them.

I sat on the bench of a court, watching my buddies play basketball for numerous years. I was on the team and not very good. And to me, I thought I had to be, had to at least play. Because it was then my dad loved me. Some sit and wish their parents were at a game, while perhaps you are busy at work, wanting to buy your family all the things your dad couldn't afford. Yes, things are nice. But honestly, when I get to this point in life, it is time I look back and wish I had more of. Was I happy for that gameboy where I logged hours playing Pokemon? Sort of. Do I wish I just had more time to go hang out with my father, back when I was still a child. Yes isn't a strong enough word. Do I wish I knew and could tell myself how much my father did love me. That his words were misunderstood by me, that I didn't have to be the best at sports.

Parents, my desire is you would spend time with your child. That you would love them for more than the sport they play, the grades they get. As Christ has loved us. I know I have no idea of what it means to be a father, but my heart breaks at the thought of making the mistake of trying to define who my child is outside of anything but Christ. The day I try and make my child live out what I wish I was, or what I think would be the best other than what Christ has made them to be, is the day I have failed. And I will fail. But I challenge myself, I challenge you, if you are truly in Christ, to love as Christ loves. To let your son or daughter know they are so much more than their grades, their athletics, what school they attend or what college they get in to, or what career they have chosen. For these things are worthless in the grand scheme.

"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust[e] destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." - Matthew 6:19-21

"See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him." - 1 John 3:1

In Christ,


Brummy