Rethinking...The In-between (They Aren't Kids...)

This one will hurt. A little. But here is the reality - and its one I embrace but I fear many parents do not.

Your middle school student isn't a kid...and really isn't as innocent as you think. The reality is...all of us are depraved - we fall short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:23) And the reality is - your kid has most likely been exposed to a lot more than you think. They probably don't understand it all (they hear a lot of terms - and joke about them because they don't want to admit they "don't know", but they've been exposed to them nonetheless.) Let me put in the disclaimer - I'm not about sheltering students. But, I think its healthy to have a reality that just because you send your kid to church or keep them from "events" you think will have an unhealthy influence - the reality is they are exposed.

Its not odd for me to stop at a middle school lunch table and hear kids dropping the f-bomb (usually to try and get a reaction from me. I don't give them one - its students who don't know Jesus yet so of course they won't act like Jesus. So why would I try and force them to?) They've seen a lot of movies, such as Superbad, which I watched as senior in high school, regretfully, and they say is one of the funniest movies. Its a sex comedy. And while I wouldn't watch it again - I was better able to filter and discern that I shouldn't watch it again.

All this to say - I've enjoyed the healthy conversations I've had with students. And its not this: don't have sex before you are married cause its wrong. Cause honestly - thats not an answer that ever helped ANYONE. Instead - it was the beauty of diving in - helping them understand its goes deeper than a physical. That there is an emotional connection. Examining what the world says satisfies (including these sexual terms, talking through them - and then asking "What does God have to say about this? When is it good? When is it bad?")

I would much rather a parent have these conversations with their child - and many have. But the reality is some of the terms make parents "uncomfortable" - but would you rather have your child's 7th grade friend explain it to them - their understanding from the internet and media - or maybe we should suck it up, partner together, and have those awkward, difficult conversations.

The reality is - students are being exposed to much more. It is an in-between though. A student in 6th grade who jokes about Superbad and how much they love it can then also go into how they watch SpongeBob SquarePants and iCarly every day after school. It really is such an in-between stage. They aren't kids anymore...and yet they are...and they aren't adults...yet they've been exposed to way more than they should.

The beauty is God loves them where they are at - that they won't get it all the time. There will often be a disconnect between their walk with God and the world around them. But we get to walk with them through this - helping them sort through life - showing them how God is at work to restore and explaining how man distorted what God intended for good. It is a beautiful journey - and I love walking alongside these middle school students.

In Christ,

Brummy

Rethinking...Outside the "Church" Times

I never met Jesus in a classroom. I never really met Jesus through a sermon. I met Jesus through the relationships I had with people - with those who really modeled to me Jesus unconditional love. And the best learning experiences I had were times they sat with me over coffee or a burger and really reminded me of that love - that I was made for more than what I was doing now, that nothing I was trying to do would satisfy because I wasn't made for it.

Do people learn from sermons? Yes. Do people learn in a classroom? Yes. But at the heart of all of this - the most impactful sermons have been from those whom I have a deep relationship with - whom I know deeply love and I have seen live that love. The most meaningful classroom learning experiences have been with those whom I have a relationship with - who cared about me beyond just me learning what they were trying to teach.

And this my friends - is why every hour outside of the Sunday morning or Wednesday night environment counts. Do they learn here? Yes. Do they also learn more from watching and living with you outside these times? Possibly. I did.

That in the middle of a Call of Duty match (because of how middle school minds work) you hear a 7th grader say "I got [friend's name] to read 1 Corinthians with me today. He may come to church with me sometime soon too."

And that, my friends, is beautiful. Let's get outside this box - God isn't confined to a building, things aren't inherently "Christian" and non-Christian. I had a better conversation with this student about God while playing Call of Duty than I had with them on Sunday morning, during a worship service, in our church building.

I am so excited God continues to open my eyes and remind me that He is center of all - and its not confined to our "God moments" but to every moment. And the beauty of working with students is they are walking through this too - they have not yet confined things to boxes - and we can just as easily have God talk over Xbox live playing their favorite game as we can sitting in chairs at the church.

In Christ,

Brummy

5 Things God Has Taught Me About Ministry

God has a funny way of working - but this past year has been a clear reminder that God's ways are not my ways and God's thoughts are not my thoughts...and especially that God's timing is not my timing.

1. None of my classes remotely prepared me for anything I experienced in the real ministry world

Sorry Malone, but its just true - nothing I learned in class really prepared me for this. But, it did give me one good thing - relationships with some really solid men of God (a few of my professors) whom I could lean on during my difficult times. These men have been valuable resources, and was worth all the thousands of dollars I spent to sit in some classes which had some good memories (like when I delayed class because I wrote as many Pokemon on the board as I could possibly remember) but mainly left me with a solid support system when I came upon situations I hadn't dreamed of experiencing.

2. Ministry stinks...but is full of joy

I used to think ministry would make me happy - but I realize that is false. Ministry does not make me happy. In reality, it has many bitter, heart-wrenching moments. And yet, Christ has done a work on me this past year and filled me with more joy than I ever remember. And that is the key - because as tough as the moments are, as much happiness as is absent - I am being filled with the joy of Christ more and more every day I get to serve him full-time in ministry.

3. Sometimes you are forced to grow up...And sometimes God won't let you 

This one sort of speaks for yourself. I am 23...and my Bible is consistently opened to 1 Timothy, specifically 4:12. There were things which I learned come with the territory I never thought would...again I wasn't prepared. My first funeral, for an 8th grade student whose father suddenly died, leading two missions trips back to back after going 100% all summer, being thrown into a role much larger than any shoes I ever thought I would fill, figuring out that not everyone in the church loves Jesus and sometimes doesn't like change, even if you believe it will be best for leading students to Jesus - and that when you get down and want to quit with every part of your body - that God still works on your soul and tells you to press forward - reminds you that He is in control.

4. May Jesus come soon...because this is lonely

That glorious day when Christ returns is longed for even more...and yet I see so much work to be done. My commitment to this community has caused me to feel more and more alone, seemingly overwhelmed by the amount of students who so desperately need to know the love of Christ - and yet God has reminded me that He is in control. That moments I feel weak or as though it is too much - He is in control. I am but a vessel used by Him. And that though it is lonely, there are those around me to lean on for support.

5. Don't Worry

I've gone back and forth about worrying - and I realize now it doesn't matter. I used to not care - which was bad, and then I cared to much - which I realized was wrong. Because not caring meant I wasn't worrying about God and shepherding His flock, and caring too much meant I focused so much on that one little sheep that I missed sight of the rest. So now I serve God - and do my best to look upon the whole, knowing that some of these sheep will just be stubborn. I pull them back in here and there, but some just want to run. God is the Shepherd - and I trust He is in control.

Read This

Yesterday I gave up the new dog I had adopted - I had been so excited about the idea of having a dog to come home to every night, but I forgot how much time and energy was required. And I realized I had a tough choice to make - realized that there was already not enough of me to go around. And there are those who need much more of me, that I'm willing to sacrifice those cute little paws and wagging tail to a cold, empty apartment.

This year has been challenging for me, I have had deep moments of questioning. I have had moments of fear - fear of letting everyone down.

I gave up part of my 20's when the shocking happened - the father of one of my students passed suddenly away and I was asked to perform the funeral. I didn't think I was going to ever experience that - how do I respond? They don't teach you this at bible college.

I set myself up as available and accessible to the church world and the "unchurched world". They don't like not having full access to me - students and families don't get why I can't solely focus on them. After all - thats what my job is right? To tend to the every need and make good little church kids? And the unchurched don't get why any young adult male would care to hang out at the schools, at football games - theres got to be something different, something weird about them? Church? I know what church people act like - they put on masks and pretend to be perfect and don't accept me.

I'm the one who creates the chaos on weekends where kids are out of control.
I'm the one who plays that music which means now my kids listen to it - and its awful.
I'm the one who doesn't wear a suit on sunday mornings - that doesn't look like he can even attend this church.

But in reality...I'm the one who is striving my best to serve my heavenly father.

I will not be defined apart from Christ. I will invite kids in to my home who cuss - because if they don't know Jesus yet, they won't act like him. And I won't let Jesus be defined by "Christian values." Because when I lack patience and grace - when we lack patience and grace - in our marriages, with children, with family - then we aren't being "Christian." You don't want to be around those people? Then who will show them Jesus? How will they experience true grace? Because all that shows them is God is for those who have it figured out - if you won't extend grace, unrelenting - then you paint a picture of Christ that doesn't extend to them.

You know "church kids" see themselves?

Wrong
Selfish
Broken
Selfharming
Fat
Nerd
Gay
Stupid
Hated By Others
Bad Kid
Cheater
Liar
Not Pretty Enough
Not Popular
Cruel
Insecure
Useless
Unwanted

And the sad thing - these definitions are often from other "church kids." Because we miss this part of showing God's grace and love - because when its about making good kids we miss it -


I will never make your kids good. You will never make your kids good. Because none of us are good. Apart from Christ - we are bad. And apart from truly loving Him it doesn't matter how much you spare yourself or your children from - its not about abstaining from things - its about surrendering to Christ. Everything. Your mind won't change because you listen to "worship" or "Christian" music. Your mind will change because Christ is in you and working in you. 

I love you all dearly - and I will continue to press forward. I will do my best to be a picture of grace and love and patience because of what Christ has done. But I will not do it for a select few - I will push and be uncomfortable at times. I will go as long as God will use me - I will let myself be broken down, worn down, beat down - for the sake of your children. My heart breaks for them. I will take whatever you have to say, for the sake of Christ - and that He may be proclaimed in the lives of your children. 

An Honest Question for Parents

Its simple - one I have been asking my middle schoolers, especially my 7&8 grade guys in my Connect Group. And the question is this:

"Do you love Jesus?"

Its a simple question - but one I think we forget to ask. We ask if someone goes to church, if someone reads their Bible, if someone is a Christian - but see all these things, sadly get thrown around. What I see in America is a sticker someone wears saying "Christian" but it doesn't mean anything. When I ask - do you love Jesus? Thats a simple question - but tougher.

Cause see, I work in a culture where I know what families love. Let me give you a few examples - its evident that people here love sports. Nearly every student is involved in sports year round - not just for school but extra leagues, tournaments on weekends, practices every night and morning. From cross country to lacrosse to football to soccer. A lot of people love their academic things - good grades are important, especially to get into a good college - which is an admirable aspiration. 

I know if you love a sport - or your kid playing a sport. Because you spend a lot of time, sacrifice a lot of things for your kid to make the team, to be at practice, to play in this tournament. You have great dreams - I know my parents did. 

But here's the thing - its this one little question - do you love Jesus? Or do I simply love that my kid goes to church sometimes, reads his Bible, and hopefully makes good choices because he has "good Christian influences" in his life.

My job is not and never will be to make sure students make good choices and are good people.

I am here to challenge - to prod - to ask - Do You Love Jesus? Is He the center of everything?

Because with this question comes the ask - would you lay down everything for Him? If we truly loved Him would we even hesitate to ask this? If God is calling you (or your child) to give up a sport, to give up a dream to be a doctor to go to Africa - would you be ok with that?

I dreamed of owning my own business, of directing movies, of being an actor - my parents believed in me - believed in these dreams. And then something radical happened - I truly met Jesus. And He led me down a road which has led me to The Chapel in North Canton. I am sure some of you are happy that my life changed in this way - that I am at The Chapel. But what if God is calling your child to give up those dreams you aspired for them? That they dreamed? So they can go and be a vessel for God to the unloved in a Russian orphanage or a refugee camp or a farm town in Iowa? 

Do you love Jesus? Does your child know you love Jesus? Do you model it for them?

Are you someone who just loves the church thing - loves the idea of grace and mercy and a "vending machine god" who makes you a "good person" and gives you the protection of a "free nation" and lets you lead a good life where you can be a good parent and have good kids who do good things and make you proud. Because that is not the God I know - the God of the Bible - who desires 100% of me - of you - of your child. 

I have no problem with sports, with school - what I have a problem with is God somehow equaling the same as these things (or less). That we consider church just some extra curricular activity - the body of Christ gathered together to worship our Lord and Savior, to challenge each other, to grow.

Do you love Jesus?

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ - Matthew 22:37 (ESV)

Rethinking: What If...?

What would it look like if Christians got as excited about spending time and being Jesus to the kids smoking pot and doing drugs at the skate park as their favorite candidate winning a debate?

What would it look like if Christians went to their knees in prayer for the broken community around them instead of to the TV for their favorite show?

What would it look like if we gave up our evening meal at a favorite restaurant to meet with the kid dealing with a broken home, an addiction to pornography, a parent who says they will never amount to anything?

What would it look like if we took a night away from athletics, music, etc to simply sit with those who have never known the hope of Jesus?

Why do we get so passionate about us being right instead of passionate about the truth of God and the hope of Jesus breaking the chains of the hurt, the lonely, the lost, the unloved?


Oh God - the world is crying out around us - let us die to ourselves and live each and every moment for you.

And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’ (Matthew 25:40 ESV)

Is Youth Ministry Really Where We Went Wrong?

"⁴² And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. ⁴³ And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. ⁴⁴ And all who believed were together and had all things in common. ⁴⁵ And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. ⁴⁶ And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, ⁴⁷ praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved." - Acts 2:42-47 (ESV)

It's been said that youth ministry went wrong somewhere - shocking statistics about how many students leave church after high school. And I agree - for many church became just a "thing" they do. However, I also wonder if the blame can really be upon student ministry. As I walk into our church each week - I notice something about what we are trying to do in student ministry. We don't at all have it perfect - but I look and reflect back on my experience in student ministry and realize there was something happening there, something good, which often time is missed in terms of the large church.

I had leaders who pursued me, pursued me weekly. Currently, our team is about connecting - having each student, even first time visitors, connected to a leader. Someone who remembers their visit - who follows up. Because it has to be about more than that Sunday morning or Wednesday night, it has to be a living, breathing everyday thing. Because our walk with God is a living, breathing everyday thing. We gather as a community - to worship - united as one in worship to our God and King. We have moments where we eat together, where we talk throughout the week. That we laugh together, call each other out, etc. Sure - some only come for fun times - but I've noticed a change. Because we are genuine and real - students who "only came for fun things" have begun to desire to be connected. To belong to a community.

So my question now becomes, as students engage in this community, focused upon Christ, what do I have to pass them off to? Because honestly, when I walk into a sanctuary of 800+ it does feel as though something is missing. It does feel as though many are just going through the motions. It is too easy to be comfortable, to be lost in the crowd. I've never felt pursued by others there. I don't know many names - I don't have opportunity beforehand to build community. I watch others slowly file in to their rows, thumb through bulletins or iPhones, wait for the music to start and keep to themselves. And "adult bible fellowships" seem to function more like classes to learn than communities to learn, challenge, grow, and walk alongside one another.

Now - I love being able to worship and gather - and it is important. But I think there is a great aspect missing here. Because I worship with these students - but beforehand we don't just sit idly. And if I see a student sitting alone - if our students see someone sitting along - we change that. We approach, get to know - invite to come over to the cafe and drink some hot chocolate. Things we do to intentionally build community, to create relationships. To learn about each other and to learn about God together, to be able to challenge, to be able to trust, to be able to live life together.

I guess what I am wrestling with is, is it student ministry that causes students to leave the church? Or is there something bigger that is missing? Is there an aspect of faith that is overlooked, forgotten, lost in our big services and big ways of doing church?

- Brummy