I wish I'd known that its not just "senior pastors" who deal with everything...
I never dreamed that I'd do my first funeral a year into full-time ministry. I didn't know how to handle a phone call that one of my student's dad suddenly died, I didn't know what to say going into the home, I didn't know what to do when asked to perform the funeral. They don't teach you that (not really) in school. I was still just thinking about students and doing cool events and awesome worship nights. I wasn't prepared for the reality of life - and death - and grappling with pain and God and doubt and questions.
I wish I'd known the church often needs as much grace as anyone...
I realized that I went to church in middle and high school more for friends than for Jesus...but I often assumed it was just students and didn't realize there are a lot of people, adults included, who are at the church who want their cookie-cutter ideology - and tend to desire things to fit their schedule. I didn't realize the toll it takes trying to deal with fifty some students plus their parents - especially being a people pleaser. It's really hard to not worry about pleasing people - especially when those people are seeking to follow Jesus - but it seems like you walk two separate roads.
I wish I'd known ministry was lonely...
I think I sort of figured, but I didn't truly realize. Even in a staff I truly love - no one rejoices the same as I do, no one hurts for the same hurts as much as I do - and yes, Jesus never leaves nor forsakes, sometimes you still just feel and overwhelming aloneness - which must be surrendered to Christ every time.
I wish I'd known how much more I would struggle...
Going into ministry at many times hasn't made my walk easier - in fact its been way more difficult. Probably because I am "serving God full-time" whatever that means. And know that everyone knows I work for the church - theres no going back. Every part of me is being scrutinized - whether I want my life to be or not.
And despite these...despite moments I want to quit...there is none other than Christ who has compelled me to stay. Because in spite of this all - I know the joy that has been this season of life, and the joys and pains and struggles to come.
"That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:10
Showing posts with label ministry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ministry. Show all posts
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Monday, March 11, 2013
5 Things God Has Taught Me About Ministry
God has a funny way of working - but this past year has been a clear reminder that God's ways are not my ways and God's thoughts are not my thoughts...and especially that God's timing is not my timing.
1. None of my classes remotely prepared me for anything I experienced in the real ministry world
Sorry Malone, but its just true - nothing I learned in class really prepared me for this. But, it did give me one good thing - relationships with some really solid men of God (a few of my professors) whom I could lean on during my difficult times. These men have been valuable resources, and was worth all the thousands of dollars I spent to sit in some classes which had some good memories (like when I delayed class because I wrote as many Pokemon on the board as I could possibly remember) but mainly left me with a solid support system when I came upon situations I hadn't dreamed of experiencing.
2. Ministry stinks...but is full of joy
I used to think ministry would make me happy - but I realize that is false. Ministry does not make me happy. In reality, it has many bitter, heart-wrenching moments. And yet, Christ has done a work on me this past year and filled me with more joy than I ever remember. And that is the key - because as tough as the moments are, as much happiness as is absent - I am being filled with the joy of Christ more and more every day I get to serve him full-time in ministry.
3. Sometimes you are forced to grow up...And sometimes God won't let you
This one sort of speaks for yourself. I am 23...and my Bible is consistently opened to 1 Timothy, specifically 4:12. There were things which I learned come with the territory I never thought would...again I wasn't prepared. My first funeral, for an 8th grade student whose father suddenly died, leading two missions trips back to back after going 100% all summer, being thrown into a role much larger than any shoes I ever thought I would fill, figuring out that not everyone in the church loves Jesus and sometimes doesn't like change, even if you believe it will be best for leading students to Jesus - and that when you get down and want to quit with every part of your body - that God still works on your soul and tells you to press forward - reminds you that He is in control.
4. May Jesus come soon...because this is lonely
That glorious day when Christ returns is longed for even more...and yet I see so much work to be done. My commitment to this community has caused me to feel more and more alone, seemingly overwhelmed by the amount of students who so desperately need to know the love of Christ - and yet God has reminded me that He is in control. That moments I feel weak or as though it is too much - He is in control. I am but a vessel used by Him. And that though it is lonely, there are those around me to lean on for support.
5. Don't Worry
I've gone back and forth about worrying - and I realize now it doesn't matter. I used to not care - which was bad, and then I cared to much - which I realized was wrong. Because not caring meant I wasn't worrying about God and shepherding His flock, and caring too much meant I focused so much on that one little sheep that I missed sight of the rest. So now I serve God - and do my best to look upon the whole, knowing that some of these sheep will just be stubborn. I pull them back in here and there, but some just want to run. God is the Shepherd - and I trust He is in control.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Not A Super-Hero...Not Normal
"Sometimes, to do what's right, we have to be steady and give up the thing we want the most. Even our dreams." - Peter Parker/Spider-man
Let me preface this by saying, I do not at all view myself as a super-hero or as having some sort of super-power. However, I have recently watched a decent number of super-hero films, and was in one way or another spoken to through them. These past few days have, for whatever reason, forced me to have a lot of time to myself. A lot of time to think, to search, to remember. I have observed events, the world, around me, taken a step back and asked, where do I fit in?
I watch as those dear to my heart reunite with loved ones gone for a few weeks serving. I watch as those dear to me take time as a family to adventure together. I am blown away by the transformation which took place in a friend's life, who only a few years ago wanted nothing to do with God, and is know a man of God whom I look up to, doing his best to serve Him this summer. And I've sat and remembered hopes and dreams I once had, that part of me still has. I reminisce to childhood memories, good and bad. And I reflect on the enormous and extremely scary path which has been set before me.
As I sat this evening watching Spider-man 2, there is a part where Peter Parker attempts to stop being Spider-man, to live a "normal" life, so he can have and do the things he "wanted" to do. At the end, however, he realizes who he is: he is Spider-man. He was given a great gift, for whatever reason, and he cannot cease to be "spider-man" simply because he chooses not to. For a moment I resonated with him, because this past year has been an enormous struggle for me. It has been a challenge, and at moments I felt I couldn't go on. I continually asked God why? How? I tried to lean on Him with all I could, but at moments I felt like I couldn't do it anymore. Like Spider-man, I felt as though there was challenge after challenge. And no one truly understands, understands what it is like to constantly feel that pressure.
Now, I have to remember to constantly surrender to Christ. But there is also a part of me which knows what God has called to me. And that my call isn't like another's, and that others won't get it. That they will ask why I do it. And they will ask why my life hasn't fallen along the line of normalcy, like everyone else. After all, there is an order of things, right? College, job, marriage, grad school, kids. And if you don't follow this line, something is wrong with you. They may not say it, but that is how it comes across.
But tonight, tonight I have peace. I have peace from God because I rest in Him. I rest in the fact that others won't get it. Because I have been given an opportunity to lay down that "normal" life for Christ, to speak into the lives of these students. No one else will get why I would rather sit and facebook chat a high school student about drugs, suicide, music, life than sit around with kids my age at a party. No one else will get why after an entire week with students, I'll still spend my Saturday with them. Because I know that relationship is key - that it has led to openness and honesty, and allows me to sit and cry with them in the midst of divorce and heartache. Teachers won't get why I'd volunteer at an after-school tutoring with a bunch of kids who are failing and couldn't care less. Yet simply sitting with them day after day makes them ask why - kids who wouldn't ever come to church. Who won't respond to a cheesy piece of paper with a bible verse on it (yes, tracts...) That I am content in knowing that somehow Christ is using me is enough. I don't need to rush into grad school. I don't need to rush into a family. Because God hasn't called me to be normal. He has called me to Him. All my life I've wanted to fit in. With all I am I wanted a family to love, a great job, lots of friends. But sometimes God calls us to lay things down for Him. I love my students to death, I love my church to death. But many will never get it. Never understand. I am not even sure why I wrote this, mostly for myself. What I do know is Christ, somehow working in me and through me. He has not called me to be normal. I doubt He has called any of us to be normal. And I will be content to be seen as a mystery, for God is a God who works in mysterious ways.
- Brummy
Let me preface this by saying, I do not at all view myself as a super-hero or as having some sort of super-power. However, I have recently watched a decent number of super-hero films, and was in one way or another spoken to through them. These past few days have, for whatever reason, forced me to have a lot of time to myself. A lot of time to think, to search, to remember. I have observed events, the world, around me, taken a step back and asked, where do I fit in?
I watch as those dear to my heart reunite with loved ones gone for a few weeks serving. I watch as those dear to me take time as a family to adventure together. I am blown away by the transformation which took place in a friend's life, who only a few years ago wanted nothing to do with God, and is know a man of God whom I look up to, doing his best to serve Him this summer. And I've sat and remembered hopes and dreams I once had, that part of me still has. I reminisce to childhood memories, good and bad. And I reflect on the enormous and extremely scary path which has been set before me.
As I sat this evening watching Spider-man 2, there is a part where Peter Parker attempts to stop being Spider-man, to live a "normal" life, so he can have and do the things he "wanted" to do. At the end, however, he realizes who he is: he is Spider-man. He was given a great gift, for whatever reason, and he cannot cease to be "spider-man" simply because he chooses not to. For a moment I resonated with him, because this past year has been an enormous struggle for me. It has been a challenge, and at moments I felt I couldn't go on. I continually asked God why? How? I tried to lean on Him with all I could, but at moments I felt like I couldn't do it anymore. Like Spider-man, I felt as though there was challenge after challenge. And no one truly understands, understands what it is like to constantly feel that pressure.
Now, I have to remember to constantly surrender to Christ. But there is also a part of me which knows what God has called to me. And that my call isn't like another's, and that others won't get it. That they will ask why I do it. And they will ask why my life hasn't fallen along the line of normalcy, like everyone else. After all, there is an order of things, right? College, job, marriage, grad school, kids. And if you don't follow this line, something is wrong with you. They may not say it, but that is how it comes across.
But tonight, tonight I have peace. I have peace from God because I rest in Him. I rest in the fact that others won't get it. Because I have been given an opportunity to lay down that "normal" life for Christ, to speak into the lives of these students. No one else will get why I would rather sit and facebook chat a high school student about drugs, suicide, music, life than sit around with kids my age at a party. No one else will get why after an entire week with students, I'll still spend my Saturday with them. Because I know that relationship is key - that it has led to openness and honesty, and allows me to sit and cry with them in the midst of divorce and heartache. Teachers won't get why I'd volunteer at an after-school tutoring with a bunch of kids who are failing and couldn't care less. Yet simply sitting with them day after day makes them ask why - kids who wouldn't ever come to church. Who won't respond to a cheesy piece of paper with a bible verse on it (yes, tracts...) That I am content in knowing that somehow Christ is using me is enough. I don't need to rush into grad school. I don't need to rush into a family. Because God hasn't called me to be normal. He has called me to Him. All my life I've wanted to fit in. With all I am I wanted a family to love, a great job, lots of friends. But sometimes God calls us to lay things down for Him. I love my students to death, I love my church to death. But many will never get it. Never understand. I am not even sure why I wrote this, mostly for myself. What I do know is Christ, somehow working in me and through me. He has not called me to be normal. I doubt He has called any of us to be normal. And I will be content to be seen as a mystery, for God is a God who works in mysterious ways.
- Brummy
Monday, March 5, 2012
Blessed
"Shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock." - 1 Peter 5:2-4 (ESV)This past week has been an extreme challenge for me. But I have also realized what an amazing blessing I have, of the opportunities God has given me. I never dreamed that at 22 years of age I would be in full-time ministry. My life was a twist of ups and downs, even attempts to run from God. And yet here I am. So here I sit, writing this, realizing the charge God has given me, and that it is not an easy one. But I also want to say thank you, to whomever is reading this. That you have been there to support me, and I pray you continue to support me. I cannot give any reason why God has chosen me, I so often go back to the words of Paul, knowing that "I am the worst." Yet by the grace of God, here I am. A broken vessel being used to glorify God. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of the ministry at The Chapel in North Canton. I am so blessed, and so passionate for our future, knowing God has great things in store. Amidst the crazy storms we are all facing, continue to hope in God. And know that it is a joy each day being amongst you all, that I love you dearly. And more than that, God loves you dearly. Cling to Him. Look to Him. Trust in Him. Hope in Him.
- Brummy
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