What I Wish I'd Known Going Into Ministry...

I wish I'd known that its not just "senior pastors" who deal with everything...

I never dreamed that I'd do my first funeral a year into full-time ministry. I didn't know how to handle a phone call that one of my student's dad suddenly died, I didn't know what to say going into the home, I didn't know what to do when asked to perform the funeral. They don't teach you that (not really) in school. I was still just thinking about students and doing cool events and awesome worship nights. I wasn't prepared for the reality of life - and death - and grappling with pain and God and doubt and questions.

I wish I'd known the church often needs as much grace as anyone...

I realized that I went to church in middle and high school more for friends than for Jesus...but I often assumed it was just students and didn't realize there are a lot of people, adults included, who are at the church who want their cookie-cutter ideology - and tend to desire things to fit their schedule. I didn't realize the toll it takes trying to deal with fifty some students plus their parents - especially being a people pleaser. It's really hard to not worry about pleasing people - especially when those people are seeking to follow Jesus - but it seems like you walk two separate roads.

I wish I'd known ministry was lonely...

I think I sort of figured, but I didn't truly realize. Even in a staff I truly love - no one rejoices the same as I do, no one hurts for the same hurts as much as I do - and yes, Jesus never leaves nor forsakes, sometimes you still just feel and overwhelming aloneness - which must be surrendered to Christ every time.

I wish I'd known how much more I would struggle...

Going into ministry at many times hasn't made my walk easier - in fact its been way more difficult. Probably because I am "serving God full-time" whatever that means. And know that everyone knows I work for the church - theres no going back. Every part of me is being scrutinized - whether I want my life to be or not.

And despite these...despite moments I want to quit...there is none other than Christ who has compelled me to stay. Because in spite of this all - I know the joy that has been this season of life, and the joys and pains and struggles to come. 

"That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:10

A New Day

"Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal of the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 3:13-14

Today is a new day. Stop and rest in that. You can't change what happened yesterday. You can't change the mistakes, the hurts, the failures of yesterday. But here is the truth: God's grace is new everyday. Do not be tied down to whatever you did yesterday (or whatever you didn't do.) We are free in Christ, though that freedom does not give us freedom to sin it offers us the freedom that when we do, His grace has washed over us. Don't define yourself by what you did yesterday, look to Christ today and know that it is a new day. A new day to press forward in Christ, as best you can. And when you fall, He will lift you back up. Rest in that, forget about yesterday, don't let it tie you down. Press on toward the goal. Forget what lies behind you. Strain towards what lies ahead.

"Therefore, my brothers, whom I love and long for, my joy and my crown, stand firm thus in the Lord, my beloved." - Philippians 4:1 

Grace

Then the Lord raised up judges, who saved them out of the hand of those who plundered them. Yet they did not listen to their judges, for they whored after other gods and bowed down to them. They soon turned aside from the way in which their fathers had walked, who had obeyed the commandments of the Lord, and they did not do so. Whenever the Lord raised up judges for them, the Lord was with the judge, and he saved them from the hand of their enemies all the days of the judge. For the Lordwas moved to pity by their groaning because of those who afflicted and oppressed them. - Judges 2:16-18

It crazy to think how throughout the entire Bible, God's grace continues strong. This passage right in hear in judges speaks to God's grace - continually extended even when the people continued to abandon God, in fact falling worse and worse than those before them. And yet God continually raised up judges, being with the judges, and drawing His people out of their oppression. Throughout the Bible we see story after story of God's love and grace, true there are consequences for the sinful actions, but continually God spares or lessens, drawing His people back to Him. And boy, am I thankful for that.

I continually need reminded that God's grace is new every day - not so that I may sin, but so that I know, in the midst of my downfalls, God continually draws me back to him. I reflect and look at the likes of David, a man after God's own heart, and just how deep his failures were. I look at Paul, a man who according to all standards of men, would never be used by God. And yet God chose them, chose tax collectors, chose prostitutes, and I rejoice, knowing that God can and has used the likes of me. I can't explain it, I don't deserve it. But I rejoice that God is "the same yesterday, today, and forever." And that while my actions have consequences I am redeemed and made new, that I wash my feet every day from the dirt which accumulated, knowing my whole self has been washed in the blood of Christ. And I take a deep breath, and take the new day God has given me.

Praise God for His grace and mercy, extended daily. Let us press forward, relying on God for strength, resisting, yet knowing that when we fall, Christ picks us back up again. Let us not make light His grace, but let us remember each day is a new day.

- Brummy