What I Wish I'd Known Going Into Ministry...

I wish I'd known that its not just "senior pastors" who deal with everything...

I never dreamed that I'd do my first funeral a year into full-time ministry. I didn't know how to handle a phone call that one of my student's dad suddenly died, I didn't know what to say going into the home, I didn't know what to do when asked to perform the funeral. They don't teach you that (not really) in school. I was still just thinking about students and doing cool events and awesome worship nights. I wasn't prepared for the reality of life - and death - and grappling with pain and God and doubt and questions.

I wish I'd known the church often needs as much grace as anyone...

I realized that I went to church in middle and high school more for friends than for Jesus...but I often assumed it was just students and didn't realize there are a lot of people, adults included, who are at the church who want their cookie-cutter ideology - and tend to desire things to fit their schedule. I didn't realize the toll it takes trying to deal with fifty some students plus their parents - especially being a people pleaser. It's really hard to not worry about pleasing people - especially when those people are seeking to follow Jesus - but it seems like you walk two separate roads.

I wish I'd known ministry was lonely...

I think I sort of figured, but I didn't truly realize. Even in a staff I truly love - no one rejoices the same as I do, no one hurts for the same hurts as much as I do - and yes, Jesus never leaves nor forsakes, sometimes you still just feel and overwhelming aloneness - which must be surrendered to Christ every time.

I wish I'd known how much more I would struggle...

Going into ministry at many times hasn't made my walk easier - in fact its been way more difficult. Probably because I am "serving God full-time" whatever that means. And know that everyone knows I work for the church - theres no going back. Every part of me is being scrutinized - whether I want my life to be or not.

And despite these...despite moments I want to quit...there is none other than Christ who has compelled me to stay. Because in spite of this all - I know the joy that has been this season of life, and the joys and pains and struggles to come. 

"That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:10

Don't Lose Heart

¹⁶ So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, ¹⁸  as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. - 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (ESV)

Recently its been difficult for me to see past current circumstances to understand what God is doing. Being honest, I have experienced a very few difficult months, and it is tough even now to consider it "light momentary afflication." Part of me wants to scream out "HOW IS ANY OF THIS LIGHT?" It feels like the weight of a thousand elephants upon my shoulders. But taking a deep breath, I step away from myself and realize, in honesty, its nothing. Nothing compared to what it could be and nothing compared to what I've made it.

But this passage is beautiful, reminding me that this perceived huge weight will be replaced with an even bigger weight - not of trial but of GLORY. How beautiful is this promise God gives us. It will be beyond all comparison. I cannot see it, all I can see are the difficulties in front of me. Difficulties screaming at me "You can't make it. You are a failure. You won't last." But this promise, this truth of God reminds me of what is to come - to those who hope in Him. Glory. Eternal. These trials will pass. The pain felt from death of loved ones, from the words spat like poison, from whatever situation arises - it will not compare to the glory which is to be revealed. The eternal glory, on that beautiful day when there will be no more crying nor pain, and Jesus will wipe every tear from our eyes. So I press forward, and encourage you to press forward. Hope in God. Do not lose heart! We may feel as though we are being wasted away, but God renews us each day - every day is a new day. Continue in Him. You are loved, you are valued, and this too shall pass.

- Brummy