"Sometimes, to do what's right, we have to be steady and give up the thing we want the most. Even our dreams." - Peter Parker/Spider-man
Let me preface this by saying, I do not at all view myself as a super-hero or as having some sort of super-power. However, I have recently watched a decent number of super-hero films, and was in one way or another spoken to through them. These past few days have, for whatever reason, forced me to have a lot of time to myself. A lot of time to think, to search, to remember. I have observed events, the world, around me, taken a step back and asked, where do I fit in?
I watch as those dear to my heart reunite with loved ones gone for a few weeks serving. I watch as those dear to me take time as a family to adventure together. I am blown away by the transformation which took place in a friend's life, who only a few years ago wanted nothing to do with God, and is know a man of God whom I look up to, doing his best to serve Him this summer. And I've sat and remembered hopes and dreams I once had, that part of me still has. I reminisce to childhood memories, good and bad. And I reflect on the enormous and extremely scary path which has been set before me.
As I sat this evening watching Spider-man 2, there is a part where Peter Parker attempts to stop being Spider-man, to live a "normal" life, so he can have and do the things he "wanted" to do. At the end, however, he realizes who he is: he is Spider-man. He was given a great gift, for whatever reason, and he cannot cease to be "spider-man" simply because he chooses not to. For a moment I resonated with him, because this past year has been an enormous struggle for me. It has been a challenge, and at moments I felt I couldn't go on. I continually asked God why? How? I tried to lean on Him with all I could, but at moments I felt like I couldn't do it anymore. Like Spider-man, I felt as though there was challenge after challenge. And no one truly understands, understands what it is like to constantly feel that pressure.
Now, I have to remember to constantly surrender to Christ. But there is also a part of me which knows what God has called to me. And that my call isn't like another's, and that others won't get it. That they will ask why I do it. And they will ask why my life hasn't fallen along the line of normalcy, like everyone else. After all, there is an order of things, right? College, job, marriage, grad school, kids. And if you don't follow this line, something is wrong with you. They may not say it, but that is how it comes across.
But tonight, tonight I have peace. I have peace from God because I rest in Him. I rest in the fact that others won't get it. Because I have been given an opportunity to lay down that "normal" life for Christ, to speak into the lives of these students. No one else will get why I would rather sit and facebook chat a high school student about drugs, suicide, music, life than sit around with kids my age at a party. No one else will get why after an entire week with students, I'll still spend my Saturday with them. Because I know that relationship is key - that it has led to openness and honesty, and allows me to sit and cry with them in the midst of divorce and heartache. Teachers won't get why I'd volunteer at an after-school tutoring with a bunch of kids who are failing and couldn't care less. Yet simply sitting with them day after day makes them ask why - kids who wouldn't ever come to church. Who won't respond to a cheesy piece of paper with a bible verse on it (yes, tracts...) That I am content in knowing that somehow Christ is using me is enough. I don't need to rush into grad school. I don't need to rush into a family. Because God hasn't called me to be normal. He has called me to Him. All my life I've wanted to fit in. With all I am I wanted a family to love, a great job, lots of friends. But sometimes God calls us to lay things down for Him. I love my students to death, I love my church to death. But many will never get it. Never understand. I am not even sure why I wrote this, mostly for myself. What I do know is Christ, somehow working in me and through me. He has not called me to be normal. I doubt He has called any of us to be normal. And I will be content to be seen as a mystery, for God is a God who works in mysterious ways.
- Brummy
No comments:
Post a Comment