I wish I'd known that its not just "senior pastors" who deal with everything...
I never dreamed that I'd do my first funeral a year into full-time ministry. I didn't know how to handle a phone call that one of my student's dad suddenly died, I didn't know what to say going into the home, I didn't know what to do when asked to perform the funeral. They don't teach you that (not really) in school. I was still just thinking about students and doing cool events and awesome worship nights. I wasn't prepared for the reality of life - and death - and grappling with pain and God and doubt and questions.
I wish I'd known the church often needs as much grace as anyone...
I realized that I went to church in middle and high school more for friends than for Jesus...but I often assumed it was just students and didn't realize there are a lot of people, adults included, who are at the church who want their cookie-cutter ideology - and tend to desire things to fit their schedule. I didn't realize the toll it takes trying to deal with fifty some students plus their parents - especially being a people pleaser. It's really hard to not worry about pleasing people - especially when those people are seeking to follow Jesus - but it seems like you walk two separate roads.
I wish I'd known ministry was lonely...
I think I sort of figured, but I didn't truly realize. Even in a staff I truly love - no one rejoices the same as I do, no one hurts for the same hurts as much as I do - and yes, Jesus never leaves nor forsakes, sometimes you still just feel and overwhelming aloneness - which must be surrendered to Christ every time.
I wish I'd known how much more I would struggle...
Going into ministry at many times hasn't made my walk easier - in fact its been way more difficult. Probably because I am "serving God full-time" whatever that means. And know that everyone knows I work for the church - theres no going back. Every part of me is being scrutinized - whether I want my life to be or not.
And despite these...despite moments I want to quit...there is none other than Christ who has compelled me to stay. Because in spite of this all - I know the joy that has been this season of life, and the joys and pains and struggles to come.
"That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:10
