Lessons from David and Jonathon

The world around us has distorted the ideal male friendship, created it to be something which is "socially acceptable" but in all honesty, does nothing but tear down and create despair. We are told we must have this "macho" stereotype, and it is enforced through parents, teachers, leaders, etc. My son doesn't play sports! My son doesn't hunt! My son doesn't have a girlfriend!

And yet, let me take an example from the scripture to prove that we are missing a key part of the spectrum. Let me tell you, if anyone has seen the movie Troy or Gladiator, what seems more macho then a guy with swords cutting off the heads of the enemy. (Now, apologies to any pacifists, but I doubt that you would doubt Maximus' masculinity in Gladiator when he has continually conquered those of the arena.) Now let us look to the Old Testament, two men who were great warriors: David and Jonathon. David was one warrior. Take this example from 1 Samuel 30 -

And David struck them down from twilight until the evening of the next day, and not a man of them escaped, except four-hundred young men, who mounted camels and fled. David recovered all that the Amalekites had taken, and David rescued his two wives. Nothing was missing, whether small or great, sons or daughters, spoil or anything that had been taken. David brought back all. (1 Samuel 30:17-19)

 Now, this is a man. A man who would avenge for his family, fighting from twilight till evening the next day. Thats a man. And yet, this same man, a man who is passionate for his family, a man who was just (read on in 1 Samuel 30 and see how he evenly divides and distributes what was regained both with those who fought and those who hadn't fought because they were too exhausted. Reminds me of a certain parable in Matthew 20 of the vineyard workers.)

And this man, David, had a companion closer than a brother and closer than a wife. (Now, let me stop and say check your mind. The world we live in assumes men in a close relationship must be sexual. I do not want this to be a debate about homosexual relationships, nor a debate as to whether David and Jonathon were in one. If you are that upset and must argue, let me take you out to coffee and we will talk. Just please don't argue on here.)

As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathon was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathon loved him as his own soul. (1 Samuel 18:1)

 This verse hits me, and I believe it speaks to two things: Men need to have deep relationships with other men, where they can confide with what is going on. Not just a "lets go shoot things together" or "lets pump iron together." But a relationship where you can say "I love you." And not be ashamed to say it. This verse reminds me of another, the whole "Love your neighbor as yourself." David and Jonathon paint a picture of this, of a love which is different than the love of a man and a woman (which is often sexual, and yes is beautiful.) But this love, of two friends who have each others back, who can share what is going on, can support one another, this love is a beautiful love. That Jonathon loved David enough to be willing to give up his spot for the throne of Israel, because he cared for David and for God's will. That is love. That is beautiful. That Jonathon loved David as his own soul, that is beautiful. I look and see a desire for young men to have this sort of companionship. And yet, they are told its more important to have a girlfriend, to do manly things. Not to love another as you love yourself, unless she's a smokin' hot babe. There is something wrong with this.

"How the mighty have fallen in the midst of battle! Jonathon lies slain on your high places. I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathon; very pleasant have you been to me; your love was extraordinary, surpassing the love of women." (2 Samuel 1:25-26)

Jonathon was willing to set aside his seat on the throne, to risk his life to warn David. His soul was knit to David's, because he saw a friendship there closer than a brother, closer than a woman. The relationship wasn't based on one taking advantage of the other, but it was a true relationship of men, who loved and feared God, and thus cared for each other. I fear my words haven't done a well enough job to express this, but this picture it paints is beautiful. I pray that young men would not be afraid to have this deep relationship, to see the beauty in a friendship which is not shallow, which is not more concerned for self-gain or appearance, but realizing what depth is achieved through a relationship where you can be open, a relationship where when that friend dies, your soul is torn. Not because they can't update your facebook, but because you look and see, they were willing to sacrifice for you, that you know without a doubt, he loved me as much as he loved himself, and that is beautiful. He loved me with the love of Christ, and that is beautiful.

- Brummy