What Are We Willing To Bear?

I'm in a season where I am going to let a lot of people down. I have been on a crazy journey this past year - being thrown into a leadership position I would say I wasn't adequately prepared for, learning much about perseverance the hard way, and that the reality is I am always prone to let others down - but more so now.

The beauty of it all is I've been forced to embrace the reality its not about me - because I am merely a man, and there will be lots of expectations I can never meet. The beauty of this is grace - because I begged and pleaded, cried out that there would be an easy way out - but I was showered with God's grace and mercy. And because of His faithfulness, I remained faithful. Every inch of my flesh said throw up your hands and quit - but I heard a constant still reminding me who I belonged to.

I was reminded every day why I must continue on - as I walked through the halls of the local schools and saw students who had never experienced the loving grace and just mercy of God. I often wish for a moment that some could see what I see every day - that I could share some stories of how God has moved.

For those who have given up hope this past year - who would deem nothing accomplished - I hope they know God has worked amazingly. I have seen him transform the lives of high school students. I have seen such doors open in the lives of middle school students. 

And yet I must settle that these little moments for some will never be content - some will always carry a restlessness - desiring something else.

So I ask myself - every day - what is my focus? It must remain on God apart from any other circumstance - not about the number of conversations, not about the number of students in chairs, not about the programs we offer (or don't offer) but only God. At the end of the day that is my focus - with Christ at center, everything else falls into place.

Without Jesus it doesn't matter what bible study we have.
Without Jesus, it doesn't matter how much time I read.
Without Jesus, it doesn't matter how many songs I song.

Without Jesus - I would have collapsed this past year. I would have broken underneath the weight I felt, drowned in the sleepless, bitter, tear-filled nights - but the cross reminds me that I no longer have to fear unrealistic expectations of the church, of the community, of my mind, of the world. At the end of the day - it is Christ, and Christ alone.